A big list of gambling jokes! 85 of them, in fact! Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! So whether you’re looking for clean marriage jokes or the best marriage jokes to share during a wedding speech, or want to include a few jokes about marriage in your wife’s anniversary card.
Funny Jokes
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
Hot 2 years agoA bingo machine.3comments (0)A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, 'Three million dollars.' The accounts person is startled, and says, 'In what form?' and the little old lady says, 'Cash. I've got it here in this bag..' and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with big denominations. This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money. She says, 'Gambling.' 'Gambling?', he says. 'What sort of gambling?' 'Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For more..0comments (0)A man is playing poker, and sees a sign that says: If You Have A Gambling Problem call 1-800-GAMBLING. So the man calls the hotline and says, 'The guy on my right has an ace and a two, I have a three and a jack, there is a four, a five, and a queen on the table, what should I do?'0comments (0)A man goes into a bar, and he looks like a complete bum. He sits down and asks for a bottle of brandy. The bartender says'
I am going to have to see some money first'
. So..out of his pocket, the bum takes a HUGE wad of 20's 50's and 100 dollar bills.
The bartender..stunned of course says '
Jesus crist, how did you get all that?'
The man replies, '
I am a gambling man.'
'
But gambling is only 50/50. How can you win so much money!?'
'
I only bet on the things I know I can win on.'
Says the gambler. '
take this for example. I bet you $200 I can bite my right eye.'
The bartender says '
Yeah right. Go ahead.'
So the man takes out his right false eye and bites it.
'
Damn you! You jipped me'
the bartender yelled.'
and gave the man $200
'
That's how I win money. ok..got another one. I'll bet you another $200 I can more..0comments (0)A rabbi and his two friends, a priest and a minister, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town. The sheriff raided their game and.. took all three before the local judge.
After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest: 'Were you gambling, Father?'
The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, 'Oh, Lord, forgive me!' and then said aloud: 'No, your honor, I was not gambling.'
'Were you gambling, Reverend?' the judge asked the minister.
The minister repeated the priest's actions and said, 'No, your honor, I was not.'
Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked: 'Were you gambling, Rabbi?'
The rabbi eyed him coolly and replied, 'With whom?'0comments (0)- Add a Useful Link
External Links
- 13Gambling Jokes OnlineGamblingJokes.com is your number one resource for the best gambling jokes available on the web todaygamblingjokes.com
- 3Gambling jokes, Casino Jokes - Joke, Jokes Site, Jokes, Lots of Jokes…jokejam.com/gambling_jokes.htm
- 26Jokes, Quotes and FunA collection of popular gambling jokes, quotes, and other fun facts brought to you by the team at GamblingPlanet.orggamblingplanet.org/jokes_main.php Show More
Casino & gambling riddles
Solving riddles can be as rewarding as a winning hand of blackjack with the basic strategy. We’ve decided to take a look at some of the most common riddles about gambling and casinos and detail the answers below. See if you can figure them out before reading the answers – then you can take them to the tables yourself and distract your fellow players as they try to crack them. Or check out the best online casinos for Australians.
The casino players
Riddle: There are four men who sit at a casino all night long and play until the crack of dawn. They are there for money instead of fun with a separate score for every one.
When it is time to square the accounts, they each make fair amounts. No one lost, and all gain – can you you explain?
Answer: Each man is a musician for the casino’s entertainment.
A mysterious gambling association
River nile casino. Riddle: A large group, each with a different face – regularly in smaller groups of four with identity as your case.
The first group will bring a desire of wealth – to steal though is tough and requires stealth.
The second group distract you and lead your mind astray, but don’t let this happen or your life will pay.
The third group can be utilised to take a life, without even using a gun or a knife.
The final group can be used to hide a man who just happened to have died.
Now if you were paying attention, what is this mysterious association we mentioned?
Answer: A pack of cards – each clue describes the four suits of a deck.
- First group – Diamonds, as they make you wealthy but are very hard to steal
- Second group – Hearts, as they can lead you astray
- Third group – Clubs, these are weapons which can be used to kill people
- Fourth group – Spades, which can be used to cover up a murder by burying a body
Heads or tails
Riddle: A gambler has three coins in his hand – the first is a regular coin, the second has two heads, and the third has two tails. The gambler picks a coin at random, flips it, and the result is heads.
What is the likelihood the other side is tails?
Answer: Since there are three heads and only one has a tails on the other side the likelihood is one in three – more of a mathematical problem than a riddle but fun to crack nevertheless.
First to gamble with dice
Riddle: Who were the first people to play with a pair or dice?
Solution: Adam and Eve in Pairadice.
A BlackJack
Riddle: A man visited a local land-based casino and on his first hand he managed to get a blackjack, while the next hand he lost. He then got another hand with a blackjack and the next hand he lost again. He ended up leaving the casino having lost every single hand and with no winnings at all – how is this possible?
Youtube Funny Jokes About Gambling Video
Answer: The first hand featured a Jack of Spades and his third hand featured a Jack of Spades, both of which are black Jacks.
A classic riddle for a classic casino game
Riddle:
![Jokes About Gambling Jokes About Gambling](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/49/25/2e/49252eb8774c7e907c60d66c17e7733e--free-slots-photo-online.jpg)
The game is nice if you see pictures thrice. It bears fruit of trees, sometimes in threes. It is just an arms length in front of you, what is the game?
Answer: A pokies machine.
A simple riddle but a risky wager
Riddle: What does this say? Or nothing. Or nothing
Casino Puns
Answer: Double or nothing.
Poker face
Riddle: What is the weakest hand in a game of Texas Hold’em, which you can have but still end on the river with a guarantee of victory?
Answer: Three Queens. For example, if you hold a Queen of Hearts and a Queen of Diamonds, and the board is showing Queen of Diamonds, Jack of Diamonds, seven of Clubs, four of Clubs, and two of Hearts, you can’t be beat. A straight or flush isn’t possible and no rank is higher than your Queens to allow someone to hold a better three of a kind.
The identical pokies
Riddle: A man owns a small casino with 50 pokies, each identical in appearance and the way they function. They all have the same return to player percentage. However, when the man goes to check the pokies at the end of the day there’s one machine which has 25% more in winnings than the others. What is different about this pokie compared to the others?
Answer: Nothing – it ultimately comes down to the human factor and that more people must be playing it and losing.